Homeschooling

Its that time of year- the end of year recitals, tournaments and demonstrations. Our kids don’t go to school but we still have the “end of year” stuff every one else has!

Today was end of the year Piano Recital. The kids all played beautifully.

I was struck by somethings- actually amazed really. Listening to kids play I leaned over and mentioned to my eldest daughter that we should have bought a card for the teacher . She pulled out a letter from her pocket. Without me mentioning she had taken the time to write quite along , well written letter of thanks to her piano teacher.

I have never one to force manners or please and thank-yous on my kids- but some how they learned. And I know when they say thank-you it is heartfelt and not forced or out of duty.
Was a proud moment- I think I was more proud of than hand written letter than the Chopin piece she played.

We had a death in our family over the weekend. It was my uncle who played a huge roll in my life. It cam as a shock and no one had any kind of warning. The only comfort i take is that he did not suffer and he spent the day with his wife and kids and they had a great day together- he died in his sleep.

One of the biggest challenges I have ever faced a a parent is explaining death to my kids. They all started thinking and asking about death an dying when they were around 3. Usually it was something like a dead animal or a movie or a loved one dying that precipitated the conversation.

We are not religious and telling the kids about heaven is not an option- though it has been tempting to just blurt it out to quash the fears and anxieties.

I wonder how other agnostics deal with death and their kids? Nothing more heartbreaking than when your 4 year old cries at night and begs you to promise him you will never die.

Seems we are barely out of one fad then our family gets immersed into the next. This weekend we are planning on seeing Prince Caspian - the second movie release in the Narnia movie series.

For now, we are heavily immersed in Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones Lego, movies and stories. My son has been wearing a Tilley hat and sporting a skipping rope ( as a whip) convinced he is in fact Indian Jone. We watched Temple of Doom last night and Indy had a 10 year old side kick ( Shorty) and this further added fuel to the fire. And endless question about WHY this kids gets to be the sidekick and not him. I can see him seething at the screen with envy
I don;t think the movie is coming out til fall and not sure how they can sustain the momentum. My middle child did remark that Indy looked REALLY old and they should have used younger actor. Ouch.

This is on on-going “discussion” ( ummm , argument) in our home between my husband and I.

The concept that our kids should or need to be more “grateful” for things. That they should be aware that husband worked hard for money and should be grateful for the house , keep it clean, etc.
This actually does go against everything I think and stand for. I don;t think kids should feel guilty or grateful for having their needs met. I don;t think they should be burdened with someone else’s issues.
Your issue to feel appreciated for certain things and kids to know which they need to be grateful for and which ones that they can just enjoy without strings. I guess I just feel “grateful” is strings attached kind of mentality. I want my kids to be respectful and appreciate- but to feel grateful that they have food and home and fun toys and clothes? No way.

I think it stems from house is messy and DH think that we just walk around keeping ti messy and he pays all this money and why bother. I am going to have to look at this. I think that he has a point somewhere a not expressing himself clearly and I am having trouble figuring out what is really going on.
Things have been tense in our home the last few weeks- many because of some bad financial decisions- one our kids did make but are suffering from now.

Not sure why Mother’s Day always ends up so awful for me and at some point i end up crying and feeling sorry for myself.
Today was no exception. No card from DH. In fact the concept of mother;s Day seemed to incite anger in my husband.
The older kids were very sweet and could tell I was upset which made it worse. i really don;t care about gift or card or whatever- I was more upset that my kids really get into holidays an surprises and they were robbed a bit of that little pleasure.
At some point not so D-H could have gotten it together and gone to dollar store or hauled out the markers and paper to make a card with them- or written a poem or SOMETHING.
I hope I don;t sound like I am whining.. I knew It would be bad this year but not sure I cold have set the bar any lower than I did expectation wise. The feeling that it was an affront to have Mother’s Day was the worst. Like I should feel guilty for being a mother at all and existing. Argh, can’t write about it any more- way to upset. Wish I could get over it.

Well, Mother’s Day not shaping up to be a great one, that’s for sure. Spent the day working on the yard and trying to get the pool open. I was up VERY late last night with my son whom was quite sick. i feel just terrible. My husband decided to start stripping of paint from our deck and repainting it.. So backyard is an absolute mess and no BBQ or chairs or patio set. We are barely speaking- actually I would say we are not speaking.

IN a heated argument hard to get across to some one the idea of a stupid idea vs. being stupid. I thought it would not be great idea to take pool cover off while their so many paint chunks flying everywhere.. but DH thought differently and then got mad when I suggested it was .. umm.. a waster of time. Which is why i am basement on Mother’ Day eve by myself and he is dealing with backyard on his own’

*sigh*. Perhaps its the pressures of Mother’s Day and get PERFECT gift or maybe its the time of year. I seem to recall we are arguing every year around Mother’s Day and I think it has to do with all the yard and pool stuff. May is just constant cleaning out the backyard of dead leaves, hauling out patio furniture and BBQ and very little reward.

Where is the homeschooling message in this ? DO not do yard work and just let it go…. no stress no arguing and maybe a relaxing Mother’s Day.

I wrote in my post Connecting With Your Kids that I was surprised by the bond that was created between our children. We were surprised not because it happened but because we never really thought about it at all. When I see the connection between my kids in is just so intense- the love they feel for each other overwhelms me sometimes. I am not saying that other brother;s and sisters don’t; love each other or that my kids never fight- its just that i don’t; understand how they kids can go off to school each day and not see each other and then come home and spend a hour or so together (if that) and then some time on he weekends and have the same bond as homeschooled kids. My daughters can see me mother their baby brother, see me with other moms , nursing or at La Leche League meeting, be with other kids, watch me change diapers, etc and “learn” to parent by modeling me and my friend’s behavior.

I will note that I don’t parentify my kids an damage the older child “responsible” for the younger. I don’t think it is fair. I will ASK them however in a situation where it is safe- i.e- can you keep on eye on your brother while i go downstairs and put laundry in? vs. “Look after your brother while you guys play road hockey” .

I can see the caring in their eyes and they way the interact and I can’t help but think it would be different if they didn’t “know” each other.

I think the most valuable thing that has come from our homeschooling is the connection we have with our children.

The best conversation and most magical moment with mu children have come unexpectedly. One year my daughter and I watched every single episode of Full House together- one a night. She cried when we were done. She wasn’t crying for the show so much as she didn’t want our ’special” time to end.

I have made it a point to have a “date” night with each of my kids- and that time together is scared. They know I will not miss it for anything. It is as simple as going to library together, getting an ice cream or a hot chocolate. It doesn have to be fancy or expensive. The idea is for my child to know they are important and special and I will focus all my attention on them- not on dishes or a sibling or a chore.

I saw results immediately. My kids acted differently when the other two weren’t around- no competition or jostling for position. I behaved differently- n corralling or being tense watching for a runway toddler.

If you are able to work into your schedule- school or no school- try and make a date with yous kids- can be once a month - as long as you take it seriously and make it a priority.

Let me know if you do this or have started!

I am having one of those weeks were I feel like I have been running around like a maniac yest I have done nothing. The price of gas is outrageous- it is now at 1.22 a litre. I am have been super conscious about driving and be as efficient as possible yet I keep having to stop and fill up with more gas. Kids have gone to soccer, baseball a homeschool sport group, sleepovers , dance and play dates. I am exhausted. The irony is that when we are driving everybody is wired up with Ipods, mp3 players and video games and we are even talking to one another.

I also have been living with the feeling of constantly watching clock and trying to remember to pick up who when and where and they whole thing is just.. tiring I do not know how moms with kids in school do it- all the dropping off, picking up, lunches , etc. I am so ready for summer and the end of running around!

I was just talking to a friend who told me she had just had a bad parenting moment.
I shared with her that I have had many myself. A time when I had yelled or said something cruel or lost my temper or just practiced plain bad parenting. I always feel badly afterwards and say sorry- but I also take a look at what part I played in a bad episode.
It does not good to say- they pushed my buttons, they made me do it, etc.
How may times have a seen a mom at a Wal-Mart with a toddler in the shopping cart whining they wanted to go home.. then =mom gives kids a pack of M&M’s to quite them and ten minutes later they are screaming at a crying child or 3 year old is in full blown tantrum. If you rewind you can see cues- they whined, they told mom they wanted to go home and then they got fed sugar and caffeine while mom got even more irritated. The they child gets yelled at for having tantrum or “misbehaving” Its called setting a child for failure.
A parent sets up the problem, Child tired or up late, not having eaten recently, maybe getting but sick, bored from shopping or being in car seat all day, etc.
Or maybe mom is over tired, hungry and stressed. Whatever the scenario- it is parents fault0 so child gets yelled at for a situation that is out of the control.
If I am tired and stressed and yell at my husband is it because he is a jerk or is he picking up the tab for my being tired and stressed? Something to think about next time you threaten to ground or punish your child.